The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
It was a blind-side dick pic.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I think getting right with the Lord should involve more than me and a bottle of tequila.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
