I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Did you know that scruff feels epic on boobs especially when they are covered in whip cream?
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Randomize
