"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
You can't just hum the Jaws theme song when you pull down my pants.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
I remember reading the word "lift" so I did. The alarn went off, and I thought to myself "what dumbass pulls the fucking fire alarm?" and then I realized it was me...
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
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