i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
Santa Claus winked at me two tables over at the Chinese place tonight I was almost afraid he knew "getting laid" was my Christmas wish
Judging by the grocery store, everyone stocked up on frozen pizza and beer for the blizzard. If our generation ever faces doomsday, we'll go out smiling.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
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