apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
i took a magical journey through the park for about two hours. it was amazing and everything was fantastical. i have been informed someone babysat me through that shit.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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