just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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