two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
