Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
Probably for the best. My morning wood is pretty horrible. I wouldn't want to tip the earth's axis/ create a new magnetic pole
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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