i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
I HAVE NEVER BEEN FRIENDZONED IN MY LIFE AND THIS GIRL IS GOING TO MAKE ME QUESTION EVERYTHING. LIKE A GODDAMN CUNT. A WONDERFUL, BEAUTIFUL, MAJESTIC, LESBIAN CUNT.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
They call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
