Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
So I just watched the Lakers/Magic game so I could have something to talk about with him after we have sex this time
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
Too long to explain. Basically I started an electircal fire. No one was hurt except for a box of cereal near the outlet.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
This baby is an asshole
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
Sorry that I got drunk and refused to let you buy me pizza. I'm a monster and I understand if you hate me forever
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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