in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
I'm ashamed and embarrassed. Unless we get drunk and have random sex with people we will never see again we might lose ourselves.
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
Randomize
