Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
You can't motorboat a personality
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
