you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
i just googled "who won the civil war" . how can i still have a 97% in this class?
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Randomize
