I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
just threw up in the bus full of other international students just outside of boulder, just keeping the aussie reputation alive
Nothing on google about my condom issue. However, if you get a chance google: condom with teeth.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Randomize
