I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
There's an owl outside. I feel like he's hooing directly at me.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
Randomize
