Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
I feel like ditching all logic and responsibility and get shit-faced before the week's over. Thoughts?
Randomize
