Jerry, you need to find god
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
Just bought lingerie with the intention of wearing it as a shirt. It's going to be that kind of weekend.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Not gonna lie, Wednesday was the perfect day to get laid off, all I've done since is watch the Simpsons marathon
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
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