I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
you kept calling numbers in ur phone book and saying, "I love your show, I'm a long time listener, first time caller."
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
