If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Sober January is a disaster.
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Also, I don't know if it's the drugs I'm on or not, but I truly believe I was hypnotized last night listening to an audio book.
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
