worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
