I think I died a long time ago.
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
Randomize
