i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just farted so loud that my cat got so scared he fell off the couch.
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
Ask her if said friend is decent looking or a wildabeast. Need to know if I need to top these 8 coronas off with a little tequila.
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
Randomize
