she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
Only I would come home from a random banging with beer and watermelon
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
When campus security rolled up he stole their car and drove it like 100 feet. Then he walked up and gave back the keys because it was a hyundai.
Randomize
