Dude love is like an itch. You fuckin scratch it, then it itches more, then you scratch it and it itches more, and before you know it, there is semen everywhere.
you are insane
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
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