So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
it's like getting dryhumped by a chainsaw in the very best possible way
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
