The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Sober January is a disaster.
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
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