his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
And the cops are back. At least my pants are on this time
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I was supremely disappointed in the lack of dick and doughnuts in my life last week.
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
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