Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Just described your amazing cock to a complete stranger. I am officially the worst wingman (chick) ever.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
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