Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i study at coffee shops because all these damn artsy people motivate me to work towards a real job.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
You throw up behind 1 mannequin and it's world war 3 in forever 21
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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