At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
I woke up in your car in the McDonalds parking lot. What the hell happened to 'no man left behind'?
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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