shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I just asked him what would happen if my boobs fought crime. I think I'm cut off.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
There are footprints all over my windshield
You said you were making waffles...
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
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