READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
All we did was argue about ponys and drug dealers
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Randomize
