I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
She just texted me apologizing for taking selfies on my phone then asked me to send them to her
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
