i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Do you know who changed all my phone contacts into characters from Harry Potter?
He Who Must Not Be Named.
Fuck you.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
