Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
you might want to delete the history when you're done using the computer at work. did you ever find out what the white balls in your throat were?
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Just so were clear I meant the head your face is on
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Are you doing trivia tonite? Also sorry I peed on you.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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