ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
