its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I think he should just go away to a small penis island and never come back
I am one with the molecules
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
Randomize
