there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I accidentally screamed the wrong name last night. He stopped for a second, said "fuck it, you're too hot to care," and then continued fucking me.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
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