she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I mean, on what planet are nipples suppose to look like that?
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Apparent my drunk ass was so dedicated to taking a piss, when I walked across the dance floor to get to the bathroom a 9/10 broad tried to dance with me and I just pushed her aside, like hard enough to send her a few feet from where she was standing, pointed at her and said "Not now chief, gotta rock a mean one."
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