even the AIR tastes like tequila.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
But seriously I might need help getting spray paint off of my body.... But don't worry about the penis I scrubbed him already
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
Randomize
