my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
i blacked out hard core.. it was bad peeeed muh bed
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
hes supposed to be my fuck buddy. im not supposed to see him on his knees praying by my bed when i walk into my room.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
God, I missed his penis.
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