we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
like are we talking 'quick beer' bad or 'break out the real vodka' bad
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
Woke up on the floor with shoes on my hands...I'd say it was a success
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
