i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
just upper decked a verizon store cause they don't cover against "getting phone crushed by a keg." had to pay 175 for a new one
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
I saw a groundgog last night outside my back door. I now have a new wedding gift idea.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
I'm not saying i'm drunk
But i'm drunk.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
