she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Drunk me just left a note for sober me apologizing for all the fucking crumbs in our bed
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Randomize
