you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
I am so dumb. I made a mistake and let him get away.
Don't worry, there are other penises in the sea.
Thanks, mom.
Randomize
