I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
my mom just cut me up lemons and limes so i would have some vitamins with my tequlia
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
