Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
Now would be a great time to stop wondering " Who let the dogs out" and go to sleep
Found a dirty envelope on my seat w ur name and $122.50 written on the front. Nothing inside but what looks like dirty pine needles
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I've now fucked in every motel room in this small town.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
