Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
btw good call for not making out for a pitcher of vodka, this hangover is bad enough
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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