i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
