One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
We lost Kevin again. Probably kidnapped by fattie 2 or butter-face 2 from last night. We need names and any information you can give us. Last scene with his shoe laces converted into a belt.
He wants a "vagina fling" before he commits to dick for life. I'm gonna allow it.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Randomize
