I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
