And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
So there I was.....spitting on my goldfish just to keep it alive.
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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