We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
so apparently over the course of the night my roommate and i had sex in exactly the same spot. ps the downstairs sink needs cleaning.
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
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