I think I died a long time ago.
i already hear my dad disowning me
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Also, if you all get arrested i'm coming to laugh at you because i don't have the money for bail.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
Randomize
