Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
